How to dismantle a tax return

You don't have to scratch your head for too long to come up with reasons to dislike U2's lead singer - the oversize ego, the silly glasses, phoning the Pope on stage, the coveting of hats,  killing wretched children with his hand clapping; I know, it's like shooting fish in a barrel.

But the main reason Bono is so despised is down to his and his band's reluctance to pay tax. U2 are up there with Google, Amazon and Starbucks with their virulent approach to tax evasion. When they moved their operations from Eire to the Netherlands it didn't just deprive the Irish economy of much needed funds: U2, and companies and individuals who currently share a similar cavalier attitude when dealing with the taxman, are costing the global economy an eye watering 160 billion dollars every year. That's enough to wipe out child poverty. And then some. Think about that next time I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For comes on the radio.

Going nowhere fast

The Willow Man lives in Somerset, by the side of the M5. I like to think of him as a modern day St. Christopher - watching over the thousands of motorists who use that stretch of the motorway every day. Even caravan owners.

For a man who looks like he's going places he remains perfectly still. I wonder if he's happy, if he feels fulfilled?

I see a little silhouetto of a man

© Jon Philpott 2013

My friend Jon went to see Neil Young in Newcastle last night. He managed to get down the front, bless 'im and, from his (near) perfect vantage point, took several photos of the man some call Shakey. And none better than the one above.

He played all the stuff you'd expect at a Neil Young gig - Hey Hey My My - but body sweved the stuff you dream about him playing - Carmichael. Apparently Los Lobos didn't disgrace themselves either.

Beating up the wrong guy

Despite its inclusion on his seismic Hunky Dory two years earlier, David Bowie's Life on Mars was released as a single 40 years ago this month on RCA Victor.

It would have set you back the princely sum of 40p if you'd bought it from your local record emporium; however, the chances are that the version most of us owned at that time wasn't even sung by The Dame. No, I've got a sneaking feeling your mum, whilst shopping in Woolies, would probably have snaffled the Top of the Pops version on the budget Hallmark label (think Poundshop meets Stiff) by some chancer called Tony Rivers. As a dreaded soundalike we'd have denied it thrice before the cock crowed, of course, but deep down we knew the boy Rivers had made a decent fist of it; he'd even got the ringing 'phone at the end.



And anyway, Rivers must have had good credentials if Dick Clement & Ian la Frenais let him loose on this.

Old School

Rereading Anthony Buckeridge's Jennings stories is much like slipping on that once favourite jacket from the back of the wardrobe you know will never be fashionable again; but a. you're not bothered and b. it feels just the same as it did the first time you wore it.

I found The Best of Jennings going for a song in a local bookshop and it immediately went straight to the top of my incoming pile. Sorry John Harvey, Pete Townshend et al - I'm not taking calls right now.

I mean, where else would you get lines like: "Yes, rather, said Atkinson ghoulishly. "He made me write out the passive of 'Audio' twenty five times once; it nearly killed me."

To borrow the strap-line from the slip jacket - with 'four utterly wizard adventures all jolly well complete and unabridged' to get through, I'm hunkering down for a blinking good read. There is one thing puzzling me though: why, when translated into French, did our favourite schoolboy prankster transmogrify into Bennett? But, hey, that's a question for another day. Maybe his best friend CEJ Darbishire would know?

Funny money

Exhibit 'A'

When the above bank note was nestling in my pocket last night it was a tenner. When I walked in the pub, ordered my drink and proffered the note it was still a tenner. However, when the barman got his grubby little hands on it, it miraculously took on a new dimension: it was counterfeit. Fake. Moody, if you will. So how did that happen then? One minute you're extracting legal tender from a hole in the wall; next thing you know you've got a dirty big hole in your wallet where money once resided.

Got Wood

June 1 is always something of a red letter day for Ronnie Wood: not only is it his birthday (he's 66 today) but it also marks the anniversary of his first gig with with the Stones. In 1975, still in The Faces, he joined Mick and Keith on their summer jaunt across America. They warmed up with their new boy in Baton Rouge pulling in a seven night residency at New York's Madison Square Garden along the way and wound the whole thing up in Buffalo on August 8.

But it would be another four months 'til the band formally announced that they'd got their man. And thirty eight years later he's still seen as the new boy. Many happy returns of the day Ronnie!

Here's some recent footage of him jamming at the 100 Club with his predecessor.

Perceived wisdom

Perceived wisdom has it that The Beatles will be forever known as John and Paul's group; a group in which George and Ringo did as they were told. You've only got to witness the infighting during the Let It Be rehearsals: 'I'll play whatever you want me to play. Or I won't play at all if you don't want me to play' George tells Paul.

But it was George who had the soul. George who kept it tight at the back. George who had the best songs. Perceived wisdom is just that. Perceived.

Kings & Queens

'So what's this new song all about then?' my friend Phil says as we walk down to the acoustic jam. 'Kings & Queens? Sounds like a homage to The King's Head and Queen's Arms in Leeds.' Spoken like a true Wessie.

No, I've not written a song about public houses; in Leeds, or anywhere else for that matter. But I may have breached my own code about crossing over into (*looks over shoulder*) political songwriting. I say may: it'll be on the new EP later in the year. Tell me what you think then. Bloody hell, get me with my new EP. I'm still banging the drum for Pickering Place (named after London's smallest square, since you ask). Oh, and I'll be playing it in its entirety at The Kirk Theatre with my good friends David Swann and Frozen Gin.

Kings and Queens will line their pockets

The jokers call the shots

We're fighting for our pride here

It's all that we have got

All that we have got

© John Medd 2013

Are we not men?

* Love of German motorways: 98 %

* Overalls: 0 %

* Dummies: 99 %

* Southern Boogie fans: 2 %

* Krautness: 100 %

* Plant pot fetish: 0 %

* Love of German motorways: 2 %

* Overalls: 99 %

* Dummies: 68 %

* Southern Boogie fans: 6 %

* Krautness: 0 %

* Plant pot fetish: 97 %

Precisely

'At the third stroke'

 
Hard to believe (our children/grandchildren certainly wouldn't) that we used to ring up (from our land lines) a pre-recorded voice to get the time. It's almost as unbelievable as Dial-a-Disc. Maybe one day our call centre culture will seem just as anachronistic to future generations.

Perhaps the most famous speaking clock of them all was Pat Simmons (she had the gig from 1963 to 1985). Ms. Simmons sadly passed away in 2005, but her voice has been immortalised forever.

Not least by The Sweet: in 1973 if you flipped Hell Raiser over you'd have found this on the B-side.



Burning was that rare thing - a frighteningly original rock song. And literally frightening. Fast forward to 1:44 for some hot speaking clock action.

Macca Macca Hey!

Not for the first time, Macca finds himself linked to the original blitzkrieg boppers. I doubt if even Phil 'Hair Bear Bunch' Spector (another oily link in The Beatles/Ramones chain) could have improved on this cheeky little mashup.

Have you just trumped?

* Original members still alive: 25 %
* Big in Wolverhampton: 17 %
* Pinheads: 100 %
* Surname ubiquity: 100 %
* Popularity at Christmas: 4 %
* Gabba Gabba: 98 %
* Misappropriation of the English language: 8 %

* Original members still alive: 100 %

* Big in Wolverhampton: 99 %

* Pinheads: 25 %

* Surname ubiquity:  0 %
* Popularity at Christmas:  94 %

* Gabba Gabba: 12 %

* Misappropriation of the English language: 96 %